“Who is that guy over there, by the sushi station?”

“I’m not sure – I think his name is Ned, my aunt’s ex-husband’s cousin’s boyfriend.  But I can’t be sure about that….”

Your wedding is supposed to be a special experience that you want to share with the people you love and who mean the most to you.  So how did you end up inviting distant relatives you’ve never met, and why is that girl from the accounting department here?

The fact is, when it comes to the invite list, there’s always a chance you’re going to hurt someone’s feelings or possibly leave someone out, and clearly, you want to avoid this as much as possible.  At the same time, you can’t invite everyone you’ve ever traded a pleasant smile with, either.  As you invite more people, the cost goes up while the intimacy level goes down.  You need to strike a good balance.

To start with, your immediate family needs to be invited.  That’s usually a given.  Extended family, can be a little trickier.  Assuming there are no animosities, aunts and uncles should be on the invite list, and if you invite one aunt or uncle, you should invite them all.  You don’t necessarily have to follow that rule when it comes to cousins, however.  If you have a small family with only a few cousins, and you know them all, then they should all be invited.  If your family is larger, though, and there are a lot of cousins, it’s ok to only invite the ones you know well or are close to over the years.

Parents will always have people that they want to invite, some of whom you may not even know. A good way to deal with this is to allow each parent or set a parents, a set number of people that they’re allowed to invite.  Chances are they’ll exceed this number, but setting a limit will at least keep them in an acceptable ballpark.  And there’s nothing wrong with asking them to keep the invite list to people you’ll at least recognize.

Anybody who is paired off needs to be invited as a couple.  So, if your friend has been with his or her boyfriend or girlfriend for awhile (as in, they are clearly in an established relationship), you need to invite both.  On the other hand, if your buddy is just playing the field, you’re not obligated to invite him to bring some random date to your wedding.

As far as co-workers, your obligation to invite people you work with depends on the size of the company.  It’s fairly expected that you should invite your immediate boss, and if you’re one of only a few employees at a small company, you should consider either inviting all or inviting none.  If you work with a larger company, it’s fine for you to only invite the co-workers with whom you are closest.

There will be times that you can’t avoid leaving someone out or potentially hurting someone’s feelings.  In these cases, it’s fine to say that you’re only having a small wedding, or that it’s mostly just family. Just remember that the pics you post on Facebook later might tell a different story!